While we are on a mission to gather funds to help the victims of domestic violence especially through the holidays it is important to also bring awareness to end it.
Abusers
can have many roots to the demons that haunt and often control them. Those ties
are strong, and no matter how much you love them it will not change the core of
who that person is. Many abusers are in fact narcissist. Knowing whether or not
your abuser is a narcissist can be confusing.
Narcissistic people’s traits are the fundamental
source of self-love, self-empowerment and self-value. While everyone can have some signs of
narcissism, you know when you have encountered a true narcissist. A real
narcissist will have pathological traits that are akin to schizophrenia. For the
people around a narcissist the world can become a very volatile and cold place.
If you recognize the following traits then getting
help or getting out is crucial, but you don’t just leave a narcissist. You will
need help, and you cannot go back because despite their charm and soothe words
they will be set on revenge, and a narcissist never ever forgets. They are
cunning and unpredictable with a darkness in the pit of their being
incomprehensible to the rest of the world. They are camellias, so many times
they can even cause you to question your own sanity.
Strong narcissistic behaviors include but are not
limited to the following:
A narcissist requires attention from other people.
They prefer flattery, being put on a pedestal and everyone to love them but
they will take negative attention if that is all that they can get. They want
to be the center of the conversation and the center of attention all of the
time. They will do their best to eliminate anyone or anything they feel is
diverting your full attention from them, their needs, their want and the like.
Their reality revolves around them.
They cannot stand it when they are not being admired.
They are ego dystonic. This means that the narcissist will have thoughts and
exhibit behaviors that contradict their self-image, and to dumb it up even
more, they are not what they have made themselves believe they are. If you have ever wondered something along the
lines of “does he or she really believe the things he says” well he or she
probably does. Their reality is not the same as ours.
A narcissist does not care about clashing. They can
become very abusive, and ultimately it is not ever their fault in their mind.
They always blame others, and believe that the others or you are at fault. They
are incapable of blaming themselves. They will even try to convince you to no
end of how it is your or someone else’s fault.
The narcissist vilifies and criticizes others, but if
someone points out their faults it is setting the stage for a war. They love
praise but will discredit praise that they hear lavished on others.
They expect a ton of things of others, but you cannot
ask the narcissist for a favor. They are often misleading and dishonest, but
won’t admit the truth even if they are caught red-handed. What they will do is
turn it around on someone else or say you deserved it.
Narcissists are masters of disguise. They are
convincing liars, and they will have the world thinking you have a happy family
when in fact the home is in turmoil. They will always have a faithful following
that believes everything is your fault. They will collect evidence and even
falsify evident to use against and control you or others. They will hurt you in
any and every possible way that they can even at the expense of their own
children.
A narcissist will fabricate and exaggerate things to
mold a situation to their favor. They have a caviler disrespect for their
partner over time that begins to turn into constant emotional and mental abuse.
They feel they are entitled to be treated special and that they should have
special privileges. Many don’t even have control over their own body when they
live with a narcissist.
Narcissists are inter-personally exploitative and they
won’t hesitate to take advantage of another person to achieve their goal. They
will do anything to achieve their ends. They have no regard for what their
actions and words or their choices will affect others. Some even wonder if they
can feel empathy or if they even have a soul. They are either unwilling or
completely unable to identify with the needs or the feelings of another person.
They are almost sociopaths.
They are jealous hearted to the core, and rather than
admitting that they think others are jealous of them. They control the family
and the family’s finances. They are almost always haughty and arrogant.
Narcissistic traits can vary because there is more
than one type of narcissism, which ultimately is a personality disorder. He or
she must be the center of everything and their needs is all that matters. While
in public he or she may withdraw, smile or be the superb master of disguise
(ever so charming), in the home he or she will throw a tantrum.
His public face
is never the face (or rarely the face) seen in the home. The face that is
exposed in the home is real, while the public face is a mere disguise.
In private he can lecture for hours, he wants to cut
ties between you and the rest of the world, your family is a threat to him, if
he cannot turn you against them then he will try to burn every bridge by
turning them against you.
He will swear, insult, criticize and condemn while
nothing you do will ever be good enough for the narcissist. When he wants
something it is like nothing ever happened. The narcissist can even make an
attack seem like a casual conversation and leave you looking or feeling like
the out of control one.
PROJECTION
is one of the narcissist’s favorite tools.
This is when the narcissist projects things that they
are doing onto you. If the narcissist accuses you constantly of something they
are probably doing it themselves. They project their wrongdoing, their
behaviors and their negative or hurt feelings onto you. When the narcissist
isn’t happy nobody’s happy. Listen carefully to your narcissist, it can give
away things that they are thinking, planning and doing.
The narcissist craves sympathy. He will
paint a bad picture of everyone in your and his life including you (unless he
is dependent on you for something). Children pick up on parent’s behaviors. A
visitor may come to the house, and both parents will be calm while the child is
being loud or displaying bossy or angry behaviors. They pick up what happens
behind closed doors and are often a window into the reality of the home.
A narcissist will endlessly criticize
his own family and friends. He or she often thinks that people are out to get him,
using him or plotting against him. The narcissist often borderlines schizophrenia
in this area. Some times are more intense than others, but he or she will affixiate
on people thinking that they are in some personal attack or plot against them.
Seemingly everyone in the narcissist’s life will take a turn being the enemy.
Again, these are publicly charming
people who give you just enough humanity to hold on. When you live with a
narcissist it is emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting. It seems like
they leave you emotionally desolate and wondering why you can never get
anything right.
People who adjust to life with a narcissist will become ill,
depressed and maybe even suicidal. Some have even reported even feeling so
hopelessly trapped by the narcissist that their own mental well-being was at
jeopardy and the narcissist had caused them to think of harming them to just
stop the pain. If you reach this point you must get out. Sometimes the bonds
that hold us exist only in the mind of us and the narcissist.
Unfortunately the narcissist does have
the ability to make great impressions on others. For this reason they can
damage the reputation of almost anyone if they set their mind to it.
IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST
The deadly charm of a narcissist can
cause total emotional desolation and complete isolation of their victim. It is hard for any abused woman to reach out
for help, but a woman in the grips of narcissistic abuse it is almost
impossible. They fear the charm of their narcissist will turn the table on her
making her look like the abuser through their amazing ability of projection.
Oftentimes the fear of not being believed and the consequences that such a
seemingly heartless individual is capable of is crippling.
The rage of a narcissist is something
no one ever wants to face. They are relentless, ruthless and unpredictable.
Their rage sometimes shocks even them, and it is uncontrollable. Their rage
rarely if ever surfaces in public because they won’t run the risk of being
exposed. The emotional abuse in a narcissistic relationship is
incomprehensible, and if they ever resort to physical violence it too is
unimaginably horrific. They torture their victim on every level. Their attacks
can go on for days or weeks. Most people that encounter the couple will never
even pick up on the abuse.
These are controlling, non-empathetic
and dangerous individuals who are masterminds of abuse and control.
IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE AS THEY FEEL
THEY HAVE CONDITIONED YOU TO ACCEPT THEIR ABUSE.
You have to take your identity,
self-esteem and your life back. Leaving an abusive relationship is dangerous,
but leaving a narcissist is deadly. They will try to destroy you and everyone
around you. The only thing that you can do is contact a domestic violence
outreach program and relocate.
You cannot ever communicate with the narcissist
again, and you will have to hide from this person for the rest of your life. If
they find you then you will have to go into hiding deeper. As long as they know
where you are they will get to you at any cost. Leave the narcissist before
they kill you either physically or spiritually.
They will push you to suicide
or worse. You have to let go, and in light of it all it is the best thing that
you will ever do for your children even if you worry about them being in a
single pat=rent home.
Leaving the Narcissist
Don’t pack your bags without a safety
plan, and do not give the narcissist any inclination that you are leaving. You
may have to walk away from everything but your cloths and documents, but at
least you will have your life. Leaving a person with NPD (Narcissistic
Personality Disorder) is the most dangerous time for a victim. Even if they
give you permission to leave don’t do it with them being aware of it. You must
be careful.
Call the national
Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-877-988-5559
if you are in an abusive relationship. You are not alone.
If they finally get the nerve to call
we have to be there.
