The Long Journey Home

Finding Self-Forgiveness after Abuse

A survivor may be out of their situation, but the effects of abuse can last a lifetime without the help that they need to move through it. Sometimes long after we have left our abuser we become our own worst enemy.

We continue repeating the complaints and criticisms to ourselves that our abusers caused us to believe. When we are consistently bashing ourselves there is not much room left for healing.

Survivors may go through years after leaving an abusive relationship believing the things their abuser told them without ever realizing their self-worth or finding the forgiveness they need for themselves to heal.

Forgiving yourself is oftentimes much harder than forgiving others.

As many children raised in homes where domestic violence, sexual trauma, neglect or emotional abuse was present knows, it is easier to come to terms with the abuse that you endured that to forgive yourself for the patterns it causes you to fall into down the line.

Those early traumas cause relationships to be poisoned, good people we encounter we tend to withdraw from and even friendships may suffer. The patterns we become prone to must be dealt with and worked on for our entire lives through.

We have to embark on a path to self-forgiveness or we won’t ever be truly free.

One of the biggest offenders is self-criticism. After years of hearing how mentally or emotionally unstable you are, ugly, fat or worthless, you tend to believe these things.

One suggestion that will help you to start identifying the patterns is to start journaling. Prompt yourself to identify the self-criticisms that you are prone to repeating to yourself. One good example is, “I am fat and ugly, and I won’t ever find anyone who will truly love me.”

You also want to identify your hopes and your dreams that lie suppressed under the criticism. All too many times we lose sight of these early on in abusive situations. Look then for ways to reach those goals, hopes and dreams while also finding ways that you can heal.

There are support groups, advocates, councilors and many other organizations to help you find solid ground. Still, no matter how many times you try to find healing, it only comes once forgiveness has been achieved. You may have to start your day over 30 times in one day, but that is ok. It is a matter of reconditioning. Sometimes staying positive is a struggle, but you have to do it.

Forgiveness will get easier in time, and the journey to healing can begin.

Also, if you want to help these survivors to find their strength, self-forgiveness and ultimately to heal you can donate to Uplifting Change Through Healing Words so that we can do our part. This is a community funded program, and for us to help them it takes all of us pulling together to make that happen.

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