Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
The Long Journey Home
Finding Self-Forgiveness after Abuse
A survivor may be out of their situation, but the effects of abuse can last a lifetime without the help that they need to move through it. Sometimes long after we have left our abuser we become our own worst enemy.
We continue repeating the complaints and criticisms to ourselves that our abusers caused us to believe. When we are consistently bashing ourselves there is not much room left for healing.
Survivors may go through years after leaving an abusive relationship believing the things their abuser told them without ever realizing their self-worth or finding the forgiveness they need for themselves to heal.
Forgiving yourself is oftentimes much harder than forgiving others.
As many children raised in homes where domestic violence, sexual trauma, neglect or emotional abuse was present knows, it is easier to come to terms with the abuse that you endured that to forgive yourself for the patterns it causes you to fall into down the line.
Those early traumas cause relationships to be poisoned, good people we encounter we tend to withdraw from and even friendships may suffer. The patterns we become prone to must be dealt with and worked on for our entire lives through.
We have to embark on a path to self-forgiveness or we won’t ever be truly free.
One of the biggest offenders is self-criticism. After years of hearing how mentally or emotionally unstable you are, ugly, fat or worthless, you tend to believe these things.
One suggestion that will help you to start identifying the patterns is to start journaling. Prompt yourself to identify the self-criticisms that you are prone to repeating to yourself. One good example is, “I am fat and ugly, and I won’t ever find anyone who will truly love me.”
You also want to identify your hopes and your dreams that lie suppressed under the criticism. All too many times we lose sight of these early on in abusive situations. Look then for ways to reach those goals, hopes and dreams while also finding ways that you can heal.
There are support groups, advocates, councilors and many other organizations to help you find solid ground. Still, no matter how many times you try to find healing, it only comes once forgiveness has been achieved. You may have to start your day over 30 times in one day, but that is ok. It is a matter of reconditioning. Sometimes staying positive is a struggle, but you have to do it.
Forgiveness will get easier in time, and the journey to healing can begin.
Also, if you want to help these survivors to find their strength, self-forgiveness and ultimately to heal you can donate to Uplifting Change Through Healing Words so that we can do our part. This is a community funded program, and for us to help them it takes all of us pulling together to make that happen.
http://www.upliftingchangethroughhealingwords.com/#!donate/c1ghi
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Sin by Silence
DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE FACT SHEET
Domestic
violence is not a new phenomenon, yet society has only recently begun to
recognize the tragedy of violence against women as a social problem of
extraordinary proportions. For far too many women, home is a place of greater
danger than places in public view – more dangerous than places of work, more
dangerous than interstates and freeways, and more dangerous than city streets.
This crime against women affects nearly one-third of American women. Domestic
violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It
is a devastation to be abused by a loved one who you think loves you in return
and has a ripple effect on numerous victims.
Domestic abuse
creates a cycle of violence. Children who are abused or witness abuse are at a
higher risk of abusing their own family and significant others as an adult. In
addition, they also are at risk for long-term physical and mental health
problems, including alcohol and substance abuse. It is evident that these abuse
victims follow the example they learned in childhood and continue the cycle of
violence when they are adults. According to the National Teen Dating Abuse
Hotline, domestic violence is witnessed by between 3.3 and 10 million children
every year, and these are only the cases reported. Forty percent of girls aged
14 to 17 report knowing someone their age that has been hit or beaten by a
boyfriend; and approximately one in five female high school students report
being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
It has been only
been about 40 years since our country began to take notice of what is happening
behind closed doors. In 1978, the United States formed the National Coalition
Against Domestic Violence along with the first battered women’s program opening
in North Carolina. By the early 1980s,
statistics proved that isolated cases of abuse were part of a shocking national
problem. As a result, victims became more visible, as well as the inadequacy of
society's response. The battered women's movement emerged, becoming one of the
most powerful social justice and service movements in United States history.
Shelters and
hotlines began to spring up around the country and what began as a social,
service-based response to crisis began to take on political urgency. The
staggering numbers of women and children turning to shelters continually
outpaced the growth of the movement. The shelter work uncovered endless horror
stories: law enforcement officials who mislabeled domestic disturbances, judges
who ruled in favor of perpetrators, and health care providers who mishandled
violence-related injuries. At every turn, women seeking help could expect
indifference, hostility, and endangerment. It became clear that helping women
in crisis required more than front-line emergency service: it required changing
the established social institutions and the laws affecting them.
During the
1980s, a vibrant network of nearly two thousand domestic violence programs in
the United States organized into state coalitions to take on the challenge of
pressuring social institutions to adequately respond to victims. The 1990s proved to be a turning point decade
with the Violence Against Women Act being passed in 1994. This major federal bill provided more than $1
billion to assist shelters, train law enforcement personnel and judges, and
support other crime-prevention efforts addressing violence against women. The
decade also saw the trial of O. J. Simpson for allegedly
murdering his
former wife, Nicole, and her friend. Though he was eventually acquitted of
criminal charges, Simpson's case launched unprecedented media coverage of the
issues of domestic violence.
Over the last 20
years, researchers have finally started to explore the lives and experiences of
battered women who killed their abusive male partners due to the evidence found
in the area of domestic violence over the decades. Yet tragically, domestic
violence remains an unavoidable threat to the fabric of all families and the
well being of society’s future.
As Abraham
Lincoln once stated, “To SIN BY SILENCE when we should protest makes cowards of
men.” SIN BY SILENCE can help create and
inspire advocates to be part of a movement of change that alters the country’s
political and judicial scenarios and stigmas.
It is about changing lives and being part of a larger movement that
addresses all types of violence against all women.
The goal of the
SIN BY SILENCE team is for the documentary to be the catalyst that can lead to
the collaboration of knowledge and action.
Knowledge that is developed through the CWAA stories of pain, tragedy,
inspiration and triumph. Action that
will lead to safer communities, homes and families.
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
STATISTICS
One in four
women (25 percent) have experienced domestic violence in her lifetime.
(The National Institute of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of
Intimate Partner Violence)
Up to 6 million
women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year.
(U.S. Department of Justice)
Women account
for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner violence, men for
approximately 15percent.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief)
Women aged 16-24
are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics)
Approximately
one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or
sexually abused by a dating partner.
(Journal of the American Medical Association)
Forty percent of
girls aged 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age that has been hit or
beaten by a boyfriend.
(Kaiser Permanente)
Studies suggest
that between 3.3 - 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence
annually.
(National Crime Victimization Survey)
Nearly 2.2
million people called a domestic violence crisis or hot line in 2004 to escape
crisis situations, seek advice, or assist someone they thought might be
victims.
(National Network to End Domestic Violence)
Nearly three out
of four (75 percent) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim
of domestic violence. 30 percent of Americans say they know a woman who has
been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.
(Family Violence Prevention Fund)
The
health-related costs of intimate partner violence exceed $5.8 billion each
year. Of that amount, nearly $4.1 billion is for direct medical and mental
health care services, and nearly $1.8 billion is for the indirect costs of lost
productivity or wages.
(Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
About half of
all female victims of intimate violence report an injury of some type, yet only
20 percent of them seek medical assistance.
(National Crime Victimization Survey)
Thirty-seven
percent of women who sought treatment in emergency rooms for violence-related
injuries in 1994 were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or
girlfriend.
(U.S. Department of Justice)
On average, more
than four women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this
country every day.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief)
http://www.upliftingchangethroughhealingwords.com
Monday, March 31, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lacking space, Philly shelter must turn away thousands of abuse victims
"No vacancy."
Abused women looking for emergency shelter in Philadelphia are hearing that phrase more and more often these days.
Women Against Abuse, the city's only domestic violence shelter, is on track to turn away battered residents about 10,000 times this year for lack of space.
The shelter has been forced to say "no vacancy" to domestic violence victims 8,890 times between January and October 2013, marking an increase in turnaways for the fifth straight year. In all of 2012, the shelter said "no vacancy" 8,199 times; in 2011, 7,946 times; in 2010, 7,288 times; in 2009, 4,671 times; and in 2008, 1,705 times.
Jeannine Lisitski, executive director of Women Against Abuse, blames the trend, in part, on the troubled economy.
"Abuse cuts across all socioeconomic [statuses], all ethnicities, everything. But if you are poor and being abused, you don't have as many options," she said. "So you're going to be reaching out more."
She also said that greater awareness of Philadelphia's domestic violence hotline (866-723-3014) may be a factor.
Women Against Abuse is planning to open a second shelter in June with the help of a $2.5 million city contract, making 100 extra beds available, for a total of 200 beds for domestic violence victims in Philadelphia. Lisitski hopes that will help turn around the alarming trend, though she said it won't fully meet the demand for emergency housing.
"People want to know what the answer is. The answer is a policy nationwide of affordable housing," she said. "That's what it would take to have zero turnaways."
She said other big U.S. cities typically set aside 250 beds for victims of domestic violence.
http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/local/philadelphia/65320-lack-of-philly-public-housing-forces-domestic-violence-victims-to-stay-with-abuser
Tracey Little was trapped inside of her own home.
It was 2011, and she was living in a public housing complex in North Philadelphia with her 10-year-old granddaughter and her husband. A husband who, she says, had been beating her for several years.
"My granddaughter, she's seen a lot," said Little. "A lot that she shouldn't have seen."
So Little, whose real name is being withheld for her safety, decided to do something that many battered women never do. She reached out for help.
Little says she asked the Philadelphia Housing Authority, which manages the city's public housing sites, to move her and her granddaughter to a different apartment.
One far, far away from the alleged abuser.
More than two years would pass, Little says, before PHA finally offered her a new place.
Her situation is not unusual. According to interviews with domestic violence victims and women's advocates, dozens of PHA tenants who claim to have been abused have waited months and sometimes even years to be transferred to new, safer homes. Advocates say the wait in such situations should not be more than a few weeks.
In recent months, PHA has sped up that process somewhat and started to act on advice from women's advocates.
However, those advocates say that the agency is still not relocating many abused residents quickly enough.
"One of the greatest issues that's facing the city of Philadelphia is violence, and we know that violence in the streets stems from violence at home," said Jeannine Lisitski, executive director of the nonprofit Women Against Abuse. "Until we get a grasp on this ... there's nobody who should not view this as their business."
Dozens of families waiting to leave abusive situations
At the beginning of last year, about 40 families in Philly's public housing units were on a waiting list for relocations due to domestic violence, according to Community Legal Services attorney Rasheedah Phillips. (She has been briefed on the matter by PHA.)
PHA did not respond to questions about the waiting list. PHA president Kelvin Jeremiah also would not grant an interview for this story, though an agency spokeswoman initially said he was available.
With help from advocates, Phillips says, PHA has recently cut down its waiting list for abused residents who need to be moved. She says about 10 families were on the list in December, and the typical household is waiting two to three months to be moved, down from six or more months in early 2013.
"Relatively speaking, it's a lot shorter than what it was," she said. "[It's] still a very, very long time. These people are being put into very dangerous situations."
Ideally, Phillips says that families should not be on the waiting list for any longer than two weeks — especially if they prove in court that they're in harm's way.
In the fall of 2012, Little (again, not her real name) and her husband got a divorce. She then asked the Court of Common Pleas for a protection-from-abuse order against him. She alleged in a petition to the court that he had "bitten ... choked, punched and kicked" her and "left bruises on her face."
A Common Pleas judge granted Little a three-year protection order in October 2012, which evicted her ex-husband from the apartment and made it a crime for him to contact her.
But PHA still dragged its feet. According to emails obtained by WHYY/NewsWorks, a PHA attorney said that the eviction was a "remedy" to the situation and Little would not be moved.
"The abuser, of course, still knew where she lived," said Phillips, who is also a pro-bono attorney for Little and others in her situation. "It took several weeks of advocacy to get PHA to understand that."
No solution — and no compassion
To add insult to injury, Little says PHA officials were insensitive.
"They were heartless," she said. "When you're going through something like that ... you want somebody to know that you're telling the truth and know that you've been through this and you're hurting, and they don't see it as that."
Little says that she was finally offered an apartment last week, though the unit may not be suitable because it is located on the third floor and she has back and neck injuries.
Other PHA residents shared similar tales. One woman, who requested anonymity for fear of retribution, says that she asked in 2011 to be transferred out of the PHA complex where her abusive ex-boyfriend was living. She had obtained a restraining order against him, but he repeatedly violated it and beat her up, she says.
"He told me the police can't keep him away from me," she said. "I told PHA management about the situation. I even go there with a police report, even with my face being busted, and ... the manager in the office never did anything."
It took two years to finally be relocated, she says.
Domestic violence victims also told of being transferred to housing developments in the very neighborhoods where their abusers lived and of having sensitive documents misplaced by PHA officials.
With an average income of $10,645, families in public housing have few choices outside of PHA. The city's housing market was nearly 69,000 units short of the number of "affordable and available" rental units needed by the city's poor in 2010, according a Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia study.
Philadelphia's only domestic violence shelter, meanwhile, has been forced to turn away thousands of requests for shelter in the last few years due to lack of space. The nonprofit Women Against Abuse is planning to open a second shelter in June.
Lack of housing funds aggravates issue
To proponents of public housing, the stories from Little and other PHA residents are troubling, but not surprising. They see the situation as the result of years of dramatic underfunding of PHA.
The nation's foreclosure crisis and high unemployment rates have pumped up demand for public housing, but Congress has not provided enough money for cities and towns to cope, they say. In fact, lawmakers temporarily cut funding for public housing during the federal sequester.
"What we've seen over the last several years is a real debate about the role of government," said Liz Hersh, executive director of the Housing Alliance of Pennsylvania. "The impact of that has been that the very lowest-income people who don't have fancy lobbyists and can't buy power and influence, they've been really harmed."
More than 100,000 people are currently waiting in line for PHA units, rental subsidies and other forms of public housing, says PHA spokeswoman Nichole Tillman. In 2005, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported that nearly 46,000 families in the city were waiting in line for various types of public housing; in 1997, only about 13,000 families were waiting.
Today, Tillman says, 400 PHA units typically open up each year. That slow trickle undoubtedly makes it difficult for PHA to move its tenants out of abusive homes. In many cases, advocates are essentially seeking two apartments for people who once only needed one.
Lisitski, of Women Against Abuse, agrees that PHA is being shortchanged: "Funding for affordable housing is the big issue."
However, she says, PHA staffers are not adequately trained to deal with tenants who are being abused, and that, too, can slow down the relocation process.
"I hear so much, 'Well, why does she go back if it was really abuse? Now they're together and they look all happy,'" said Lisitski.
Likewise, Phillips says that PHA could move abused residents more quickly by getting creative. She'd like to see PHA set aside a portion of Section 8 vouchers for tenants in Little's situation; or, if two households both need to be relocated, PHA could ask them to switch places.
"Funding doesn't always have to be the excuse," Phillips said.
PHA improvements noted
PHA provided a brief statement in response to several detailed questions by WHYY/NewsWorks.org.
Tillman says the agency recently worked with Women Against Abuse and Community Legal Services to streamline requests by domestic violence victims to be relocated.
"PHA and Women Against Abuse now have open lines of communications. PHA has held meetings with Women Against Abuse and CLS almost on a monthly basis since August 2012 to discuss any challenges with the process," she said. "PHA will continue to collaborate with organizations that also serve this city's most vulnerable."
Advocates at Women Against Abuse and Community Legal Services agree that PHA has made improvements in recent months. For instance, Lisitski says, PHA is working to craft a specific transfer policy for domestic violence victims.
She also says PHA tenants can now submit evidence that was not previously permitted, such as testimony from victim advocates, to prove that they need to be moved.
"PHA has changed dramatically," said Lisitski. "They're very open to community partnerships."
To Little, that's cold comfort. The bottom line, she says, is that PHA should relocate abused families much, much faster than they do now.
"Wait on that person right away," she said. "You can't play with someone's life."
—
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Too often the trend in our society is for people to be separated from either other, to be cut off from the great mass of humanity, and in doing so to be dehumanized a little bit more with each step.
Cars have taken us off the streets, where we used to greet each other and stop to chat. Cubicles have taken away a bit of the humanity in working, as have factories and even computers to some extent. Television has planted us firmly in our living rooms, instead of out with other people. Even movie theaters, where many people get together, cut us off from true conversation because we’re staring at a big screen.
And while I’m not railing against any of these inventions (except perhaps the cubicle), what we must guard against is the tendency of that individuality to have us focused on ourselves to the exclusion of our fellow human beings. The tendency towards selfishness rather than giving, on helping ourselves rather than helping our brothers and sisters in humanity.
I’m not saying we’re all like that, but it can happen, if we’re not careful.
So strike back against the selfishness and greed of our modern world, and help out a fellow human being today. Not next month, but today.
Helping a fellow human being, while it can be inconvenient, has a few humble advantages:
It makes you feel better about yourself;
It connects you with another person, at least for a moment, if not for life;
It improves the life of another, at least a little;
It makes the world a better place, one little step at a time;
And if that kindness is passed on, it can multiply, and multipy.
So take just a few minutes today, and do a kindness for another person. It can be something small, or the start of something big. Ask them to pay it forward. Put a smile on someone’s face.
Don’t know where to start? Here’s an extremely incomplete list, just to get you thinking — I’m sure you can come up with thousands more if you think about it.
Smile and be friendly. Sometimes a simple little thing like this can put a smile and warm feeling in someone else’s heart, and make their day a little better. They might then do the same for others.
Call a charity to volunteer. You don’t have to go to a soup kitchen today. Just look up the number, make the call, and make an appointment to volunteer sometime in the next month. It can be whatever charity you like. Volunteering is one of the most amazing things you can do.
Donate something you don’t use. Or a whole box of somethings. Drop them off at a charity — others can put your clutter to good use.
Make a donation. There are lots of ways to donate to charities online, or in your local community. Instead of buying yourself a new gadget or outfit, spend that money in a more positive way.
Redirect gifts. Instead of having people give you birthday or Christmas gifts, ask them to donate gifts or money to a certain charity.
Stop to help. The next time you see someone pulled over with a flat tire, or somehow in need of help, stop and ask how you can help. Sometimes all they need is a push, or the use of your cell phone.
Teach. Take the time to teach someone a skill you know. This could be teaching your grandma to use email, teaching your child to ride a bike, teaching your co-worker a valuable computer skill, teaching your spouse how to clean the darn toilet. OK, that last one doesn’t count.
Comfort someone in grief. Often a hug, a helpful hand, a kind word, a listening ear, will go a long way when someone has lost a loved one or suffered some similar loss or tragedy.
Help them take action. If someone in grief seems to be lost and doesn’t know what to do, help them do something. It could be making funeral arrangements, it could be making a doctor’s appointment, it could be making phone calls. Don’t do it all yourself — let them take action too, because it helps in the healing process.
Buy food for a homeless person. Cash is often a bad idea if it’s going to be used for drugs, but buying a sandwich and chips or something like that is a good gesture. Be respectful and friendly.
Lend your ear. Often someone who is sad, depressed, angry, or frustrated just needs someone who will listen. Venting and talking through an issue is a huge help.
Help someone on the edge. If someone is suicidal, urge them to get help. If they don’t, call a suicide hotline or doctor yourself to get advice.
Help someone get active. A person in your life who wants to get healthy might need a helping hand — offer to go walking or running together, to join a gym together. Once they get started, it can have profound effects.
Do a chore. Something small or big, like cleaning up or washing a car or doing the dishes or cutting a lawn.
Give a massage. Only when appropriate of course. But a massage can go a long way to making someone feel better.
Send a nice email. Just a quick note telling someone how much you appreciate them, or how proud you are of them, or just saying thank you for something they did.
Show appreciation, publicly. Praising someone on a blog, in front of coworkers, in front of family, or in some other public way, is a great way to make them feel better about themselves.
Donate food. Clean out your cupboard of canned goods, or buy a couple bags of groceries, and donate them to a homeless shelter.
Just be there. When someone you know is in need, sometimes it’s just good to be there. Sit with them. Talk. Help out if you can.
Be patient. Sometimes people can have difficulty understanding things, or learning to do something right. Learn to be patient with them.
Tutor a child. This might be difficult to do today, but often parents can’t afford to hire a tutor for their child in need of help. Call a school and volunteer your tutoring services.
Create a care package. Soup, reading material, tea, chocolate … anything you think the person might need or enjoy. Good for someone who is sick or otherwise in need of a pick-me-up.
Lend your voice. Often the powerless, the homeless, the neglected in our world need someone to speak up for them. You don’t have to take on that cause by yourself, but join others in signing a petition, speaking up a a council meeting, writing letters, and otherwise making a need heard.
Offer to babysit. Sometimes parents need a break. If a friend or other loved one in your life doesn’t get that chance very often, call them and offer to babysit sometime. Set up an appointment. It can make a big difference.
Love. Simply finding ways to express your love to others, whether it be your partner, child, other family member, friend, co-worker, or a complete stranger … just express your love. A hug, a kind word, spending time, showing little kindnesses, being friendly … it all matters more than you know.
How far that little candle throws his beams!
Cars have taken us off the streets, where we used to greet each other and stop to chat. Cubicles have taken away a bit of the humanity in working, as have factories and even computers to some extent. Television has planted us firmly in our living rooms, instead of out with other people. Even movie theaters, where many people get together, cut us off from true conversation because we’re staring at a big screen.
And while I’m not railing against any of these inventions (except perhaps the cubicle), what we must guard against is the tendency of that individuality to have us focused on ourselves to the exclusion of our fellow human beings. The tendency towards selfishness rather than giving, on helping ourselves rather than helping our brothers and sisters in humanity.
I’m not saying we’re all like that, but it can happen, if we’re not careful.
So strike back against the selfishness and greed of our modern world, and help out a fellow human being today. Not next month, but today.
Helping a fellow human being, while it can be inconvenient, has a few humble advantages:
It makes you feel better about yourself;
It connects you with another person, at least for a moment, if not for life;
It improves the life of another, at least a little;
It makes the world a better place, one little step at a time;
And if that kindness is passed on, it can multiply, and multipy.
So take just a few minutes today, and do a kindness for another person. It can be something small, or the start of something big. Ask them to pay it forward. Put a smile on someone’s face.
Don’t know where to start? Here’s an extremely incomplete list, just to get you thinking — I’m sure you can come up with thousands more if you think about it.
Smile and be friendly. Sometimes a simple little thing like this can put a smile and warm feeling in someone else’s heart, and make their day a little better. They might then do the same for others.
Call a charity to volunteer. You don’t have to go to a soup kitchen today. Just look up the number, make the call, and make an appointment to volunteer sometime in the next month. It can be whatever charity you like. Volunteering is one of the most amazing things you can do.
Donate something you don’t use. Or a whole box of somethings. Drop them off at a charity — others can put your clutter to good use.
Make a donation. There are lots of ways to donate to charities online, or in your local community. Instead of buying yourself a new gadget or outfit, spend that money in a more positive way.
Redirect gifts. Instead of having people give you birthday or Christmas gifts, ask them to donate gifts or money to a certain charity.
Stop to help. The next time you see someone pulled over with a flat tire, or somehow in need of help, stop and ask how you can help. Sometimes all they need is a push, or the use of your cell phone.
Teach. Take the time to teach someone a skill you know. This could be teaching your grandma to use email, teaching your child to ride a bike, teaching your co-worker a valuable computer skill, teaching your spouse how to clean the darn toilet. OK, that last one doesn’t count.
Comfort someone in grief. Often a hug, a helpful hand, a kind word, a listening ear, will go a long way when someone has lost a loved one or suffered some similar loss or tragedy.
Help them take action. If someone in grief seems to be lost and doesn’t know what to do, help them do something. It could be making funeral arrangements, it could be making a doctor’s appointment, it could be making phone calls. Don’t do it all yourself — let them take action too, because it helps in the healing process.
Buy food for a homeless person. Cash is often a bad idea if it’s going to be used for drugs, but buying a sandwich and chips or something like that is a good gesture. Be respectful and friendly.
Lend your ear. Often someone who is sad, depressed, angry, or frustrated just needs someone who will listen. Venting and talking through an issue is a huge help.
Help someone on the edge. If someone is suicidal, urge them to get help. If they don’t, call a suicide hotline or doctor yourself to get advice.
Help someone get active. A person in your life who wants to get healthy might need a helping hand — offer to go walking or running together, to join a gym together. Once they get started, it can have profound effects.
Do a chore. Something small or big, like cleaning up or washing a car or doing the dishes or cutting a lawn.
Give a massage. Only when appropriate of course. But a massage can go a long way to making someone feel better.
Send a nice email. Just a quick note telling someone how much you appreciate them, or how proud you are of them, or just saying thank you for something they did.
Show appreciation, publicly. Praising someone on a blog, in front of coworkers, in front of family, or in some other public way, is a great way to make them feel better about themselves.
Donate food. Clean out your cupboard of canned goods, or buy a couple bags of groceries, and donate them to a homeless shelter.
Just be there. When someone you know is in need, sometimes it’s just good to be there. Sit with them. Talk. Help out if you can.
Be patient. Sometimes people can have difficulty understanding things, or learning to do something right. Learn to be patient with them.
Tutor a child. This might be difficult to do today, but often parents can’t afford to hire a tutor for their child in need of help. Call a school and volunteer your tutoring services.
Create a care package. Soup, reading material, tea, chocolate … anything you think the person might need or enjoy. Good for someone who is sick or otherwise in need of a pick-me-up.
Lend your voice. Often the powerless, the homeless, the neglected in our world need someone to speak up for them. You don’t have to take on that cause by yourself, but join others in signing a petition, speaking up a a council meeting, writing letters, and otherwise making a need heard.
Offer to babysit. Sometimes parents need a break. If a friend or other loved one in your life doesn’t get that chance very often, call them and offer to babysit sometime. Set up an appointment. It can make a big difference.
Love. Simply finding ways to express your love to others, whether it be your partner, child, other family member, friend, co-worker, or a complete stranger … just express your love. A hug, a kind word, spending time, showing little kindnesses, being friendly … it all matters more than you know.
How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Domestic Violence: Statistics & Facts
Domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence) can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, income, or other factors.
The Victims
- One in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
- Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
- Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
- Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
- Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner.
The Families
- Every year, more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes.
- Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence also suffer abuse or neglect at high rates (30% to 60%).
- A 2005 Michigan study found that children exposed to domestic violence at home are more likely to have health problems, including becoming sick more often, having frequent headaches or stomachaches, and being more tired and lethargic.
- A 2003 study found that children are more likely to intervene when they witness severe violence against a parent – which can place a child at great risk for injury or even death.
The Circumstances
- Domestic violence is most likely to occur between 6 pm and 6 am.
- More than 60% of domestic violence incidents happen at home.
The Consequences
- According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.
- In New York City, 25% of homeless heads of household became homeless due to domestic violence.
- Survivors of domestic violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.
- Domestic violence contributes to poor health for many survivors. For example, chronic conditions like heart disease or gastrointestinal disorders can become more serious due to domestic violence.
- Among women brought to emergency rooms due to domestic violence, most were socially isolated and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured because of domestic violence.
- Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults.
- Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.
- Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.
#1 FACT:
Most domestic violence incidents are never reported.
Help change the facts. Speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence.
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