Domestic Violence Awareness: Are You Living With a Narcissist

While we are on a mission to gather funds to help the victims of domestic violence especially through the holidays it is important to also bring awareness to end it. 

Abusers can have many roots to the demons that haunt and often control them. Those ties are strong, and no matter how much you love them it will not change the core of who that person is. Many abusers are in fact narcissist. Knowing whether or not your abuser is a narcissist can be confusing.

Narcissistic people’s traits are the fundamental source of self-love, self-empowerment and self-value. While everyone can have some signs of narcissism, you know when you have encountered a true narcissist. A real narcissist will have pathological traits that are akin to schizophrenia. For the people around a narcissist the world can become a very volatile and cold place.

If you recognize the following traits then getting help or getting out is crucial, but you don’t just leave a narcissist. You will need help, and you cannot go back because despite their charm and soothe words they will be set on revenge, and a narcissist never ever forgets. They are cunning and unpredictable with a darkness in the pit of their being incomprehensible to the rest of the world. They are camellias, so many times they can even cause you to question your own sanity.

Strong narcissistic behaviors include but are not limited to the following:

A narcissist requires attention from other people. They prefer flattery, being put on a pedestal and everyone to love them but they will take negative attention if that is all that they can get. They want to be the center of the conversation and the center of attention all of the time. They will do their best to eliminate anyone or anything they feel is diverting your full attention from them, their needs, their want and the like. Their reality revolves around them.

They cannot stand it when they are not being admired. They are ego dystonic. This means that the narcissist will have thoughts and exhibit behaviors that contradict their self-image, and to dumb it up even more, they are not what they have made themselves believe they are.  If you have ever wondered something along the lines of “does he or she really believe the things he says” well he or she probably does. Their reality is not the same as ours.

A narcissist does not care about clashing. They can become very abusive, and ultimately it is not ever their fault in their mind. They always blame others, and believe that the others or you are at fault. They are incapable of blaming themselves. They will even try to convince you to no end of how it is your or someone else’s fault.

The narcissist vilifies and criticizes others, but if someone points out their faults it is setting the stage for a war. They love praise but will discredit praise that they hear lavished on others.

They expect a ton of things of others, but you cannot ask the narcissist for a favor. They are often misleading and dishonest, but won’t admit the truth even if they are caught red-handed. What they will do is turn it around on someone else or say you deserved it.

Narcissists are masters of disguise. They are convincing liars, and they will have the world thinking you have a happy family when in fact the home is in turmoil. They will always have a faithful following that believes everything is your fault. They will collect evidence and even falsify evident to use against and control you or others. They will hurt you in any and every possible way that they can even at the expense of their own children.

A narcissist will fabricate and exaggerate things to mold a situation to their favor. They have a caviler disrespect for their partner over time that begins to turn into constant emotional and mental abuse. They feel they are entitled to be treated special and that they should have special privileges. Many don’t even have control over their own body when they live with a narcissist.

Narcissists are inter-personally exploitative and they won’t hesitate to take advantage of another person to achieve their goal. They will do anything to achieve their ends. They have no regard for what their actions and words or their choices will affect others. Some even wonder if they can feel empathy or if they even have a soul. They are either unwilling or completely unable to identify with the needs or the feelings of another person. They are almost sociopaths.

They are jealous hearted to the core, and rather than admitting that they think others are jealous of them. They control the family and the family’s finances. They are almost always haughty and arrogant.

Narcissistic traits can vary because there is more than one type of narcissism, which ultimately is a personality disorder. He or she must be the center of everything and their needs is all that matters. While in public he or she may withdraw, smile or be the superb master of disguise (ever so charming), in the home he or she will throw a tantrum. 

His public face is never the face (or rarely the face) seen in the home. The face that is exposed in the home is real, while the public face is a mere disguise.

In private he can lecture for hours, he wants to cut ties between you and the rest of the world, your family is a threat to him, if he cannot turn you against them then he will try to burn every bridge by turning them against you. 

He will swear, insult, criticize and condemn while nothing you do will ever be good enough for the narcissist. When he wants something it is like nothing ever happened. The narcissist can even make an attack seem like a casual conversation and leave you looking or feeling like the out of control one.

PROJECTION is one of the narcissist’s favorite tools.  

This is when the narcissist projects things that they are doing onto you. If the narcissist accuses you constantly of something they are probably doing it themselves. They project their wrongdoing, their behaviors and their negative or hurt feelings onto you. When the narcissist isn’t happy nobody’s happy. Listen carefully to your narcissist, it can give away things that they are thinking, planning and doing.

The narcissist craves sympathy. He will paint a bad picture of everyone in your and his life including you (unless he is dependent on you for something). Children pick up on parent’s behaviors. A visitor may come to the house, and both parents will be calm while the child is being loud or displaying bossy or angry behaviors. They pick up what happens behind closed doors and are often a window into the reality of the home.

A narcissist will endlessly criticize his own family and friends. He or she often thinks that people are out to get him, using him or plotting against him. The narcissist often borderlines schizophrenia in this area. Some times are more intense than others, but he or she will affixiate on people thinking that they are in some personal attack or plot against them. Seemingly everyone in the narcissist’s life will take a turn being the enemy.

Again, these are publicly charming people who give you just enough humanity to hold on. When you live with a narcissist it is emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting. It seems like they leave you emotionally desolate and wondering why you can never get anything right. 

People who adjust to life with a narcissist will become ill, depressed and maybe even suicidal. Some have even reported even feeling so hopelessly trapped by the narcissist that their own mental well-being was at jeopardy and the narcissist had caused them to think of harming them to just stop the pain. If you reach this point you must get out. Sometimes the bonds that hold us exist only in the mind of us and the narcissist.

Unfortunately the narcissist does have the ability to make great impressions on others. For this reason they can damage the reputation of almost anyone if they set their mind to it.

IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST

The deadly charm of a narcissist can cause total emotional desolation and complete isolation of their victim.  It is hard for any abused woman to reach out for help, but a woman in the grips of narcissistic abuse it is almost impossible. They fear the charm of their narcissist will turn the table on her making her look like the abuser through their amazing ability of projection. Oftentimes the fear of not being believed and the consequences that such a seemingly heartless individual is capable of is crippling.

The rage of a narcissist is something no one ever wants to face. They are relentless, ruthless and unpredictable. Their rage sometimes shocks even them, and it is uncontrollable. Their rage rarely if ever surfaces in public because they won’t run the risk of being exposed. The emotional abuse in a narcissistic relationship is incomprehensible, and if they ever resort to physical violence it too is unimaginably horrific. They torture their victim on every level. Their attacks can go on for days or weeks. Most people that encounter the couple will never even pick up on the abuse.

These are controlling, non-empathetic and dangerous individuals who are masterminds of abuse and control.

IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE AS THEY FEEL THEY HAVE CONDITIONED YOU TO ACCEPT THEIR ABUSE.

You have to take your identity, self-esteem and your life back. Leaving an abusive relationship is dangerous, but leaving a narcissist is deadly. They will try to destroy you and everyone around you. The only thing that you can do is contact a domestic violence outreach program and relocate. 

You cannot ever communicate with the narcissist again, and you will have to hide from this person for the rest of your life. If they find you then you will have to go into hiding deeper. As long as they know where you are they will get to you at any cost. Leave the narcissist before they kill you either physically or spiritually. 

They will push you to suicide or worse. You have to let go, and in light of it all it is the best thing that you will ever do for your children even if you worry about them being in a single pat=rent home.

Leaving the Narcissist

Don’t pack your bags without a safety plan, and do not give the narcissist any inclination that you are leaving. You may have to walk away from everything but your cloths and documents, but at least you will have your life. Leaving a person with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is the most dangerous time for a victim. Even if they give you permission to leave don’t do it with them being aware of it. You must be careful.

Call the national Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-877-988-5559 if you are in an abusive relationship. You are not alone.

Click Here to Donate to Uplifting Change Through Healing Words to Help These Women find Their Way out of the War-zone they have been Conditioned to call Home.

If they finally get the nerve to call we have to be there.