Are you in a dv situation? What are the types of dv, what
are the effects dv has on children? Education is freedom, not
just for the people suffering from DV but for their family, neighbors, friends
and passersby. It is a matter of life and death.
Domestic violence is everybody’s problem. However,
a lot of times people choose not to see, or they simply do not recognize the signs.
Children are traumatized, women broken, elderly abused and lives lost right
under our noses, and all of the time there was something we could have done
about it. We as a community must do our part to recognize, reach out and help
families who are struggling with this epidemic. It is more common than you
think. Let’s take a look at DV.
I warn you some content and images may be
troubling. Still, they are very real, and it is time to expose domestic
violence for the devil and evil that it really is.
Domestic
Violence and the Holidays
While we go through our holiday festivities know
that abuse in many homes is escalating. Don’t count donations to domestic violence
charities, outreach programs and local shelters out, because they need you now
more than ever throughout the holiday season.
Some think it may be the pressure of the holidays,
the memories from childhood or other stressors that cause tempers to flare up
during the holidays, but the truth is no one really knows, sometimes not even
the abuser and certainly not the people being abused.
So many people do not know why the victims stay,
and there are even some who think they deserve or like it because they stay or
return. Unfortunately it is not as easy as walking out. A woman (or anyone
being abused) are in the most danger leaving and right after they have left.
There is also threats to them, family and other repercussions
threatened that make it hard. The control and power an abuser has on their victim
is horrendous, and leaving is the single hardest thing an abused person will
ever do. Those are the strongest chains to break, and no one who has never been
bound by them will ever truly understand it. A woman will leave more than 5
times in many cases before she finally breaks free. We will get into the types
of abuse later, and that will hopefully make it a bit easier to understand.
The holidays present every risk factor to become a reality.
It is certain that the numbers of those battered will rise during holiday
seasons pushing already financially strained domestic violence shelters and
outreach organizations to and past their limits. There are so many cases that
some won’t be able to get help if we do not pull together and do our part to
make sure the funds and things needed are not in place when the crises calls
come in. If a woman (or any abused
person) finally gets the courage to call for help then we need to be able to
help them ort all hope may be lost and they may die in that situation.
The adults are not the only ones affected by
domestic violence. The silent
Domestic violence in essence can take many
different forms, and all of them take a devastating toll on the one being
abused and the children in the home. It is basically purposeful intimidation. It
combines all or one if not several aspects ranging from assault, sexual abuse
and the threat or act of violence.
This is not a problem found only in poverty
stricken areas or in the home of certain cultures or races. Domestic violence
simply does not discriminate. One out of four homes are effected by domestic
violence. Many cases go unreported. Crises calls will increases by almost ½ during
the holidays, and many calls never come because people think they have to keep
their kids in the home through the holidays.
Most of the time when a crises call comes in
the persona being abused knows that if they do not get out right then it will
be bad. Many are fleeing for their life and leaving all they have behind just
to survive.
If you are in an Abusive Situation and decide not to Leave Do the Following:
Though getting
out is always the best thing to do, some won’t go. If you are not ready then
have a safety plan. Stash some clothes, important documents and keys somewhere
outside the home with a friend. Have some money, a cell phone that your abuser
knows nothing about and medications if you need them.
Know where
you will go if you have to leave. You also need to know to avoid rooms like the
garage, bathroom, kitchen and upper levels of the home if an argument breaks
out. Avoiding rooms with weapons and reducing the chance bodily harm is
essential to your survival. Be sure to note the bathroom is dangerous as well
because of all of the hard surfaces and its enclosure.
Practice how
you will safely get out of the home, make sure your children know when and how
to call 911 from a neighbors phone if they can get out of the home. Having a code
word and a meeting place will help as well. Know who you can count on for help. If you can
get to your car drive to the police station. Protect all of your internet activities
and online accounts. Make sure your neighbors are aware and will call 911 if
they hear an incident.
Whether it is mental, physical, verbal, emotional
or sexual all victims and survivors concur that the holidays are a dreaded time
in the home of dv. Since most abusers isolate their victims and beat their self-esteem
down so badly while making them completely dependent financially,
geographically and the like getting help takes an act of great courage.
Some
women (of the abused) do not even know that there are options out there for
them, and many feel they couldn't make it on their own or that their abuser
will harm or take the children. If a woman finds the courage to call, she must
have some help or it will only reinforce her feelings of being helplessly
trapped.
With the recent budget cuts for these
services, it is up to the community to step up to the plate. While crises calls increase funding decreases. We are many of these women’s and abused people s only
hope for a new life or even survival.
If the holiday cheer is less than cheerful
and domestic violence ensues, stay as calm as possible and exercise the safety
plan you have established. Give the greatest gift of love, call the National
Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE for
yourself or someone you love.
It is vital that you donate funds to
Uplifting Change through Healing Words to help women and children in these
situations, as well as clothes, toys and the like to local DV shelters and
educate yourself on this epidemic. Do your part. It is time we take out place
on the front lines in the war against DV and let these victims know that they
are not alone!
Impact
of Domestic Violence on Children
The children of domestic violence are often called the
silent victims. Children exposed to dv are more likely to have great
difficulties in life than their peers. They are also more susceptible to becoming
disturbed, depressed, bullies, abusers, abused, addicts or a number of other devastating
things in their life. It is not something left behind when they leave behind,
rather it is something they spend their whole life trying to overcome.
These are children who will suffer behavioral, social,
and emotional problems. They may
become antisocial, psychopathic, depressed, suicidal or aggressive just to name
some. Many will isolate, becoming hostile, angry and oppositional. They
will also develop attitudinal problems
and cognitive problems in most cases. Again, it is up to us to make sure there
are resources in place to prevent these children from being forever consumed by
the effects of dv. If all of us do a little it can add up to a whole lot!
Comprehensive
assessment regarding children's experiences and trauma symptoms, as well as the
protective factors present, should inform decision-making regarding the types
of services and interventions needed for individual children and families
living with violence.
Types
of Abuse
It is an unfortunate misconception that id a woman (or
abused individual) is not bruised and battered that they are not being abused.
Abuse takes on several faces, and all of them are equally as devastating. Please
take a moment to educate yourself on what dv looks like.
Verbal
and Emotional Abuse
Insults, threats, insults, monitoring, controlling,
intimidating and isolating are some good examples of this type of nonphysical
abuse. Humiliation and belittling as well as making someone feel they aren't “good
enough” or that they “never get it right” are some other examples of it.
Undermining an individual’s self-worth, competency and abilities
are some of the many forms of emotional abuse. Constant criticism, name calling, manipulating
feelings, inducing guilt and subverting the relationship between the victim and
the children are also all abusive behaviors. Another form of emotional abuse
may be consistently breaking promises and misleading someone only to tear them
down. This is a devastating form of abuse, and many say it is far worse than
physical abuse.
Financial abuse is not uncommon. A lot
of abused people do not have their own source of income or access to funds.
Those who do are closely monitored and controlled. When someone uses money to
control another person or manipulate them it is abuse. When someone starts to
manipulate and control finances or shut off access to the family funds the
stage is being set. This is a way of implementing total power over a victim and
in a sense rapping them.
Physical Abuse
While
this is not the most devastating it is the most dangerous form of abuse. When someone intentionally harms or
intimidated you with physical contact it is abuse. This is shoving, hitting,
pushing, punching, pinching and any other hurtful or intimidation physical
contact. Even holding someone down to intimidate and overpower is abuse, and
this often escalates.
Sexual abuse is very real in homes of
dv. This is the act of impacting any personas ability to control their sexual
choices. Whether it be restricting birth control, forcing unwanted sex or
withholding sex it is sexual abuse. Even if you are forced to participate
because you fear retaliation it is rape if your abuser knows that you do not
want to perform. Many abusers will do this after an emotional or physical
outburst and even use it as a punishment or a way to degrade their victim.
Putting someone down sexually, forcing them to “tell stories” or relive horrible
sexual abuse, forced porn and any sexually deviant acts of the like are all
forms of sexual abuse. Criticizing someone’s sexual performance and desirability
are also forms of sexual abuse. Children in these homes risk being abused
sexually by the abuser as well.
Digital Abuse and Psychological
Technology has aided in creating an entirely
new form of abuse. This can be done online, through social media, texting and
the like to intimidate, bully and harass. This is a form of stalking, and stalking
online often leads to stalking in person. Many times this is used to make the
victim fearful. The abuser will threaten to take or kidnap children, harass,
blackmail, harm pets and menace their victim relentlessly trying to break them
down through fear and intimidation. This is against the law and charges can be
filed.
Letter from a Survivor in the Throes of Escaping Her Abuser
I
remember hearing my other being beaten, I swore I would never become a victim,
and I did not understand why she kept us there, until I became the one things I
swore I would never be…an abused woman- trapped by circumstance paralyzed by
fear and completely codependent on my abuser.
Every day I fear he will do something to harm me and my
daughter. I never thought he would hurt her, but now we are in counseling for
sexual abuse. I do not know what the future holds, but without Uplifting Change
I know I would not have a future to worry about.
I want to thank the people who made my escape possible and
who are still helping me to rebuild today. Leaving is the easy part once you
are finally away, rebuilding may take a lifetime and without the support and
outreach I would not be able to do it even now that I am free.
Who is Uplifting Change, and how you can help make an Uplifting Change in the Life of a Family in Crises
Uplifting Change Trough Healing Words is a new organization.
We are in desperate needs of affiliates, funds and volunteers to make this a successful
mission to end domestic violence one family at a time.
We need help to make
sure that when the calls come in we are here to help. We are also reaching out
to instill hope in the survivors and help them get the referrals, resources and
help they need to break free.
We offer literature and hope. We ask that you
please help with any small amount to assist these families, because none should
ever be denied escape from abuse. Also please donate toys, shoes, clothing and
the like to your local DV shelters.
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