Friday, July 11, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
The Long Journey Home
Finding Self-Forgiveness after Abuse
A survivor may be out of their situation, but the effects of abuse can last a lifetime without the help that they need to move through it. Sometimes long after we have left our abuser we become our own worst enemy.
We continue repeating the complaints and criticisms to ourselves that our abusers caused us to believe. When we are consistently bashing ourselves there is not much room left for healing.
Survivors may go through years after leaving an abusive relationship believing the things their abuser told them without ever realizing their self-worth or finding the forgiveness they need for themselves to heal.
Forgiving yourself is oftentimes much harder than forgiving others.
As many children raised in homes where domestic violence, sexual trauma, neglect or emotional abuse was present knows, it is easier to come to terms with the abuse that you endured that to forgive yourself for the patterns it causes you to fall into down the line.
Those early traumas cause relationships to be poisoned, good people we encounter we tend to withdraw from and even friendships may suffer. The patterns we become prone to must be dealt with and worked on for our entire lives through.
We have to embark on a path to self-forgiveness or we won’t ever be truly free.
One of the biggest offenders is self-criticism. After years of hearing how mentally or emotionally unstable you are, ugly, fat or worthless, you tend to believe these things.
One suggestion that will help you to start identifying the patterns is to start journaling. Prompt yourself to identify the self-criticisms that you are prone to repeating to yourself. One good example is, “I am fat and ugly, and I won’t ever find anyone who will truly love me.”
You also want to identify your hopes and your dreams that lie suppressed under the criticism. All too many times we lose sight of these early on in abusive situations. Look then for ways to reach those goals, hopes and dreams while also finding ways that you can heal.
There are support groups, advocates, councilors and many other organizations to help you find solid ground. Still, no matter how many times you try to find healing, it only comes once forgiveness has been achieved. You may have to start your day over 30 times in one day, but that is ok. It is a matter of reconditioning. Sometimes staying positive is a struggle, but you have to do it.
Forgiveness will get easier in time, and the journey to healing can begin.
Also, if you want to help these survivors to find their strength, self-forgiveness and ultimately to heal you can donate to Uplifting Change Through Healing Words so that we can do our part. This is a community funded program, and for us to help them it takes all of us pulling together to make that happen.
http://www.upliftingchangethroughhealingwords.com/#!donate/c1ghi
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Sin by Silence
DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE FACT SHEET
Domestic
violence is not a new phenomenon, yet society has only recently begun to
recognize the tragedy of violence against women as a social problem of
extraordinary proportions. For far too many women, home is a place of greater
danger than places in public view – more dangerous than places of work, more
dangerous than interstates and freeways, and more dangerous than city streets.
This crime against women affects nearly one-third of American women. Domestic
violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It
is a devastation to be abused by a loved one who you think loves you in return
and has a ripple effect on numerous victims.
Domestic abuse
creates a cycle of violence. Children who are abused or witness abuse are at a
higher risk of abusing their own family and significant others as an adult. In
addition, they also are at risk for long-term physical and mental health
problems, including alcohol and substance abuse. It is evident that these abuse
victims follow the example they learned in childhood and continue the cycle of
violence when they are adults. According to the National Teen Dating Abuse
Hotline, domestic violence is witnessed by between 3.3 and 10 million children
every year, and these are only the cases reported. Forty percent of girls aged
14 to 17 report knowing someone their age that has been hit or beaten by a
boyfriend; and approximately one in five female high school students report
being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
It has been only
been about 40 years since our country began to take notice of what is happening
behind closed doors. In 1978, the United States formed the National Coalition
Against Domestic Violence along with the first battered women’s program opening
in North Carolina. By the early 1980s,
statistics proved that isolated cases of abuse were part of a shocking national
problem. As a result, victims became more visible, as well as the inadequacy of
society's response. The battered women's movement emerged, becoming one of the
most powerful social justice and service movements in United States history.
Shelters and
hotlines began to spring up around the country and what began as a social,
service-based response to crisis began to take on political urgency. The
staggering numbers of women and children turning to shelters continually
outpaced the growth of the movement. The shelter work uncovered endless horror
stories: law enforcement officials who mislabeled domestic disturbances, judges
who ruled in favor of perpetrators, and health care providers who mishandled
violence-related injuries. At every turn, women seeking help could expect
indifference, hostility, and endangerment. It became clear that helping women
in crisis required more than front-line emergency service: it required changing
the established social institutions and the laws affecting them.
During the
1980s, a vibrant network of nearly two thousand domestic violence programs in
the United States organized into state coalitions to take on the challenge of
pressuring social institutions to adequately respond to victims. The 1990s proved to be a turning point decade
with the Violence Against Women Act being passed in 1994. This major federal bill provided more than $1
billion to assist shelters, train law enforcement personnel and judges, and
support other crime-prevention efforts addressing violence against women. The
decade also saw the trial of O. J. Simpson for allegedly
murdering his
former wife, Nicole, and her friend. Though he was eventually acquitted of
criminal charges, Simpson's case launched unprecedented media coverage of the
issues of domestic violence.
Over the last 20
years, researchers have finally started to explore the lives and experiences of
battered women who killed their abusive male partners due to the evidence found
in the area of domestic violence over the decades. Yet tragically, domestic
violence remains an unavoidable threat to the fabric of all families and the
well being of society’s future.
As Abraham
Lincoln once stated, “To SIN BY SILENCE when we should protest makes cowards of
men.” SIN BY SILENCE can help create and
inspire advocates to be part of a movement of change that alters the country’s
political and judicial scenarios and stigmas.
It is about changing lives and being part of a larger movement that
addresses all types of violence against all women.
The goal of the
SIN BY SILENCE team is for the documentary to be the catalyst that can lead to
the collaboration of knowledge and action.
Knowledge that is developed through the CWAA stories of pain, tragedy,
inspiration and triumph. Action that
will lead to safer communities, homes and families.
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
STATISTICS
One in four
women (25 percent) have experienced domestic violence in her lifetime.
(The National Institute of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of
Intimate Partner Violence)
Up to 6 million
women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year.
(U.S. Department of Justice)
Women account
for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner violence, men for
approximately 15percent.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief)
Women aged 16-24
are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics)
Approximately
one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or
sexually abused by a dating partner.
(Journal of the American Medical Association)
Forty percent of
girls aged 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age that has been hit or
beaten by a boyfriend.
(Kaiser Permanente)
Studies suggest
that between 3.3 - 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence
annually.
(National Crime Victimization Survey)
Nearly 2.2
million people called a domestic violence crisis or hot line in 2004 to escape
crisis situations, seek advice, or assist someone they thought might be
victims.
(National Network to End Domestic Violence)
Nearly three out
of four (75 percent) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim
of domestic violence. 30 percent of Americans say they know a woman who has
been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.
(Family Violence Prevention Fund)
The
health-related costs of intimate partner violence exceed $5.8 billion each
year. Of that amount, nearly $4.1 billion is for direct medical and mental
health care services, and nearly $1.8 billion is for the indirect costs of lost
productivity or wages.
(Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
About half of
all female victims of intimate violence report an injury of some type, yet only
20 percent of them seek medical assistance.
(National Crime Victimization Survey)
Thirty-seven
percent of women who sought treatment in emergency rooms for violence-related
injuries in 1994 were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or
girlfriend.
(U.S. Department of Justice)
On average, more
than four women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this
country every day.
(Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief)
http://www.upliftingchangethroughhealingwords.com
Monday, March 31, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lacking space, Philly shelter must turn away thousands of abuse victims
"No vacancy."
Abused women looking for emergency shelter in Philadelphia are hearing that phrase more and more often these days.
Women Against Abuse, the city's only domestic violence shelter, is on track to turn away battered residents about 10,000 times this year for lack of space.
The shelter has been forced to say "no vacancy" to domestic violence victims 8,890 times between January and October 2013, marking an increase in turnaways for the fifth straight year. In all of 2012, the shelter said "no vacancy" 8,199 times; in 2011, 7,946 times; in 2010, 7,288 times; in 2009, 4,671 times; and in 2008, 1,705 times.
Jeannine Lisitski, executive director of Women Against Abuse, blames the trend, in part, on the troubled economy.
"Abuse cuts across all socioeconomic [statuses], all ethnicities, everything. But if you are poor and being abused, you don't have as many options," she said. "So you're going to be reaching out more."
She also said that greater awareness of Philadelphia's domestic violence hotline (866-723-3014) may be a factor.
Women Against Abuse is planning to open a second shelter in June with the help of a $2.5 million city contract, making 100 extra beds available, for a total of 200 beds for domestic violence victims in Philadelphia. Lisitski hopes that will help turn around the alarming trend, though she said it won't fully meet the demand for emergency housing.
"People want to know what the answer is. The answer is a policy nationwide of affordable housing," she said. "That's what it would take to have zero turnaways."
She said other big U.S. cities typically set aside 250 beds for victims of domestic violence.
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